Meet The Puritans

What Should a Pastor Say When a Parishioner Loses a Child?

Posted on 29. Oct, 2009 by Danny Hyde.

One topic I never received any instruction or advice while in Seminary was what a pastor was to say to a parishioner that has lost a child. What do you do when there is a tragic accident? How do you minister to a family grieving the loss of child by SIDS? What do you say to a woman grieving a miscarriage? To my seminary brothers, let me say that you will face this terrible providence in your ministry. You will see unbearable grief on the faces of your beloved brothers and sisters. Be prepared.

Of course this is a debated issue in Reformed churches in terms of whether covenant children who die early in life are in heaven or not. While the Westminster Confession offers a theologically correct assessment that no Reformed believer will ever deny, “Elect infants, dying in infancy, are regenerated and saved by Christ through the Spirit, who worketh when, and where, and how he pleaseth” (10.3), we have to deal with things “below.” We do not know the eternal decree of God; we must judge things from within the covenant and visible church. The delegates to the Synod of Dort sought to provide an answer to this question from a pastoral point of view, in Canon 1.17:

“Since we are to judge of the will of God from His Word, which testifies that the children of believers are holy, not by nature, but in virtue of the covenant of grace, in which they together with the parents are comprehended, godly parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom it pleases God to call out of this life in their infancy.”

The issue for those in churches that confess the Canons of Dort is whether the Canons describe certainty towards the children or only the attitude of the parents. An example of the former is Herman Bavinck (Reformed Dogmatics, 4:724–727; Saved by Grace, 69) while of the latter is Herman Hoeksema (Believers and their Seed, 149–158). Without getting into all the historical and theological debate here, let me offer several pastoral points before offering some further reading to prepare our hearts as ministers and students to face this tearful issue.

First, we need to base our pastoral comfort upon the Word. This is why it is so important to read passages such as Psalm 139 as well as the example of David and his son (2 Sam. 12).

Second, we believe that children of believers are members of the covenant of grace, therefore, we need to speak from within that rich and comforting status as the people of God.

Third, we need to offer strong encouragement to our people. They do not need to doubt where their lost child is at. They should be assured that they are in the arms of Jesus, who blessed covenant children during his earthly ministry.

Several excellent resources on this subject are the following:

• Cornelis P. Venema, “The Election and Salvation of the Children of Believers Who Die in Infancy: A Study of Article I/17 of the Canons of Dort,” Mid-America Journal of Theology 17 (2006): 57–100.
• N. H. Gootjes, “Can Parents Be Sure?” Clarion 44:20 (October 6, 1995) and Clarion 44:21 (October 20, 1995).
• W. Robert Godfrey, “Election and Covenant: The Synod of Dort and Children Dying in Infancy” (unpublished essay). [my apologies for the poor quality of the scan, it's the best I can do]
• John Calvin, “Letter CCCLXIV–To a Gentleman of Provence,” in Selected Works of John Calvin, Volume 6, 71–73.
• John Owen, “Letter 83: To Lady Elizabeth Hartopp,” in The Correspondence of John Owen, ed. Peter Toon, 157–158). [Below]

Deare Madam,

Every worke of God is good; the Holy One in the middest of us will do no iniquity. And all things shall work together for good unto them that love him, even those things which at present are not joyous, but grievous. Only his time is to be waited for, and his way submitted unto, that we seem not to be displeased in our hearts that he is Lord over us. Your dear infante is in the eternal enjoyment of the fruits of all our prayers; for the covenant of God is ordered in all things, and sure. We shall goe to her; she shall not returne to us. Happy she was in this above us, that she had so speedy an issue of sin and misery, being born only to exercise your faith and patience, and to glorify God’s grace in her eternal blessedness. My trouble would be great on the account of my absence at this time from you both, but that this also is the Lords doing; and I know my own uselessness wherever I am. But I will beg of God for you both, that you may not faint in this day of trial; that you may have a cleare view of those spirituall and temporall mercyes wherewith you are yet intrusted all undeserved, that sorrow of the world may not so overtake your hearts as to disenable to any duties, to grieve the Spirit, to prejudice your lives; for it tends to death. God in Christ will be better to you than ten children, and will so preserve your remnant, and so adde to them, as shall be for his glory and your comfort. Only consider that sorrow in this case is no duty; it is an effect of sin, whose cure by grace we should endeavour. Shall I say, Be cheerful? I know I may. God help you to honour grace and mercy in a compliance therewith. My heart is with you; my prayers shall be for you; and I would have seene you this day could I have borrowed a coach.

Dear Madam,

Your most affectionate and unworthy pastor,

John Owen

[May 1674?]

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WCF: Supra or Infra?

Posted on 05. Sep, 2009 by Mark Jones.

The Westminster Confession of Faith is sometimes deliberately ambiguous, which allows theologians with disagreements to adopt the Confession as a faithful summary of the Scripture’s teaching.  For example, regarding eschatology, there were a good deal of chiliasts (millennialists) at Westminster (e.g. Goodwin), but there were also ‘Augustinians’, namely, the Scots (e.g. Robert Baillie).  Yet, both could agree with the basic teaching of the Confession on ‘last things.’ [...]

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